The blog runs more than 18 years, then I am running into 50s

Time always run faster than expected. Very true.

Counting down to dive into my 50s, but I am still thinking something which I should have been done when have time. Too naive to say that, obviously.

In this age, I realized that I am really nothing. No matter to the world or to my family, and most importantly, to myself. Looking back what I have done for the past years, aligning to the society, graduate from a named university but not in a major that I love. Thus, not with a good GPA when passing out. Then started a career very unrelated to my major, but at least that was something I like. Still, nothing resulted good. Married with my first love when was still very young, got a divorce as a result. And that turned out as a turning point of my life.

Changed job, lived together with my second love (and married lately). Things seemed going right and good by then. Started to be a middle management position, lead a small team. Working dedicatedly, passionately, and results looked "OK". Took more burden, to ease my partner's life, but made mine harder. Still very enjoyable. That's sweet. All these made myself blinded. Thought I was the chosen one to change the world, though at an old age to say these words. I know that is stupid, I know.

Then nothing could be changed in that position. And changed job as nothing could be changed at that environment. But the world is not that easy for me to adopt when getting old. Changed several jobs, back to square one, working as a lowest level gear. No more thinking of change the world but being driven by the world. A more realistic experience of earning for living. Why? No preparation to be financially free though I fully understand that. Without actions, it will never happen.

There were no energy, no bargaining power to live in a way that I really love. For now, investing time and money for your dream could be too risky (and I do not have a desired dream). Believe someone in this age will think in similar ways to certain extent. A very normal person in 50s. Not capable to urge oneself to a better position and not much luck to be in a better position. You see many people surrounding are not capable but sitting on a very decent position. Yes, they got something which I do not have and I will never know and understand. Maybe that is fate. And that is life.

Looking friends, old classmates, bros sitting as CXO, Sr. Manager, Director, Sr. Director...etc and you are still working hard on tedious works like you are still young. 

Reckon the life.

But lucky that I do not have any descendants. I believe I should not reproduce similar environment, situation and luck to my descendant. I don't know, but I believe something will be inherited, to certain extent.

領域展開...maybe someone would like to have this supernature ability. And I do love to have it in real world. To enhance oneself' s ability.